Depression and Citation: Dissertation Edition
I've had ten-ish major depressive episodes since I was 13. Each time I emerge, my faculties of reading, writing, and speaking are altered.
Sometimes just woosh—ruins. Like a flood came through and everything in the basement and first floor is water-logged and mold-mantled. I pick through Barbie dolls and baby clothes. I find something resembling a christening dress, but I can't be sure. I smush something bound in leather, but can't decide if it was a teenage diary or my old, red Aeneid. I wonder at disintegration and endurance. I can't remember how to spell "endurance" or use a period.
I don a respirator mask and rubber gloves and get down to scooping up the things that once mattered (mattered to my reading, writing, and speaking practices, made me matter to others). Best case scenario, these things are suddenly bereft of their former uses. Worst case scenario, they're actually hazardous to keep.
I strip down to the studs of phonemes and ingratiating grins. I relearn common misspellings and eggcorns. I rebuild (poorly), knowing full well that I live in a floodplain and the waters will come again. Knowing that when they do come, strangers will simply shake their heads at my predicament and cluck:
"Foolish...ignorant...downright irresponsible. Why doesn't she just move on? She clearly doesn't belong."
Other times, though, emerging is like returning home from a trip to find your house has been burgled. It wasn't a natural disaster (whatever that means), but human beings (ditto). When it feels like humans, I always initially register surprise; hadn't thought I kept much of value in the house, really...I mean, c'mon, who steals a salad spinner and a collection of rocks from the North Shore? Only secondarily do I sense the dread. Someone uninvited was here and who knows why they chose me or if they'll come back or why they moved three bookshelves into the kitchen and dispersed my Loebs amongst my shoes. Who. Why. When. How. Etc. Etc.
As a little girl I always had such a talent for rhyme and reason. Every time I go down and bob back up, everything I knew (I swear!) I'd read or written or said is moved around or obscured or missing. I feel encephalitic. I feel irretrievable. I feel like my grandmother when she was still alive and would call from Kauai, her speech garbled by a whole ocean and/or a series of strokes and/or a lifetime of alcoholism. Who knows. Why, when, how, etc. (again).
Bibliographies are like such emergences. I think I'm E.R. and these are some names I think I've read, written, or said:
Appleby, Michael. Digitally Enabled Scholarship with Medieval Manuscripts. New Directions for Digital Scholarship. Yale Digital Collections Center: Yale University, 2013.
Aristotle. De Motu Animalium. Translated by A. L. Peck. Loeb Classical Library. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1965.
---. Historia Animalium. Translated by A. L. Peck. Loeb Classical Library. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1965.
Baker, Steve. Artist Animal. University of Minnesota Press, 2012.
Ballif, Michelle. “Historiography as Hauntology: Paranormal Investigations into the History of Rhetoric.” Theorizing Histories of Rhetoric. Carbondale: Southern Illinois University Press, 2013: 139–153.
Barnett, Scot. “Toward an Object-Oriented Rhetoric: A Review of Tool-Being: Heidegger and the Metaphysics of Objects and Guerrilla Metaphysics: Phenomenology and the Carpentry of Things by Graham Harman.” Enculturation 7 (2010).
Barnett, Scot and Casey Boyle. Rhetoric, Through Everyday Things. Tuscaloosa: University of Alabama Press, 2016.
Bennett, Jane. Vibrant Matter: A Political Ecology of Things. Durham: Duke University Press, 2010.
Bergson, Henri. Key Writings. Edited by Keith Ansell Pearson and John Mullarkey. Translated by Melissa McMahon. New York: Continuum, 2002.
Berlant, Lauren. “Affect in the End Times: A Conversation with Lauren Berlant.” Qui Parle: Critical Humanities and Social Sciences. Vol. 20, No. 2 (2012): 71-89.
---. Cruel Optimism. Durham: Duke University Press. 2011.
Beyer, Kurt. Grace Hopper and the Invention of the Information Age. MIT Press, 2012.
Bharihoke, Deepak. Fundamentals of Information Technology. Excel Books, 2006.
Bolter, J., and Richard Grusin. Remediation: Understanding New Media. MIT Press, 2000.
Boyle, Casey. “The Rhetorical Question Concerning Glitch.” Computers and Composition 35 (2015): 12-29.
Braidotti, Rosi. “The Politics of Life as Bios/Zoe.” Bits of Life: Feminism at the Intersections of Media, Bioscience and Technology. Edited by Anneke Smelike and Nina Lykke. Seattle: University of Washington Press, 2008: 179-196.
Broglio, Ron and Cary Wolfe. “After Animality, Before the Law: An Interview with Cary Wolfe.” Angelaki 18, No. 1 (March 1, 2013): 181-188.
Brooke, Collin Gifford. Lingua Fracta: Toward a Rhetoric of New Media. Hampton Press, 2009.
Brown, James J., Jr. Ethical Programs: Hospitality and the Rhetorics of Software. University of Michigan Press, 2015.
---. “The Machine That Therefore I Am.” Philosophy & Rhetoric 47.4 (2014): 494-514.
Bunch, Bryan and Alexander Hellemans. The Timetables of Technology: A Chronology of the Most Important People and Events in the History of Technology. Simon & Schuster, 1993.
Calarco, Matthew and Peter Atterton. Animal Philosophy: Essential Readings in Continental Thought. Continuum, 2012.
Carroll, John M. and John C. Thomas. Transactions on Systems, Man, and Cybernetics Volume 12, Issue 2 (March 1982): 107-116.
Clough, Patricia Ticineto and Jean Halley, eds. The Affective Turn: Theorizing the Social. Duke University Press, 2007.
Collins, Jennifer. “Computer Bugs Highlight E-Waste Problems.” Deutsche Welle, 2015.
Coole, Diana and Samantha Frost eds. New Materialisms: Ontology, Agency, and Politics. Duke University Press, 2010.
Davis, D. Diane. Breaking Up [at] Totality: A Rhetoric of Laughter. Carbondale: Southern Illinois UP, 2000.
---. Inessential Solidarity: Rhetoric and Foreigner Relations. University of Pittsburgh Press, 2010.
Davis, D. Diane and Michelle Ballif eds. Extrahuman Rhetorical Relations: Addressing the Animal, the Object, the Dead, and the Divine. Philosophy & Rhetoric, Vol 47 Issue 4 (2014).
De Hamel, Christopher. Scribes and Illuminators. University of Toronto Press, 1992.
Deleuze, Gilles and Felix Guattari. A Thousand Plateaus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia. Translated by Brian Massumi. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 1997.
---. “Percept, Affect and Concept.” What is Philosophy? Translated by Hugh Tomlinson and Graham Burchell. New York: Columbia University Press, 1996: 163-199.
Derrida, Jacques. "'Eating Well' or the Calculation of the Subject: An Interview with Jacques Derrida." Who Comes After the Subject? Edited by Cadava, Connor, & Nancy. New York: Routledge, 1991.
Derrida, Jacques and Anne Dufourmantelle. Of Hospitality. Translated by Rachel Bowlby. Stanford University Press: 2000.
Derrida, Jacques and Marie-Louise Mallet. The Animal That Therefore I Am. Fordham University Press, 2010.
Enos, Richard Leo. “Rhetorical Archaeology: Established Resources, Methodological Tools, and Basic Research Methods.” The Sage Handbook of Rhetorical Studies. Ed. Andrea A. Lunsford. Los Angeles: Sage, 2009. 35–52.
---. “Theory, Validity, and the Historiography of Classical Rhetoric: A Discussion of Archaeological Rhetoric.” Theorizing Histories of Rhetoric. Ed. Michelle Ballif. Carbondale: Southern Illinois UP, 2013. 8–24.
“Entomological Etymology.” PC Magazine Vol. 2, No. 7 (Dec., 1983): 207-10.
Feigelfeld, Paul. “Media Archaeology Out of Nature: An Interview with Jussi Parikka.” E-Flux 62 (Feb. 2015).
Ferrari, G. R. F. Listening to the Cicadas: A Study of Plato’s Phaedrus. New York: Cambridge UP, 1990.
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Gordon, Jeremy, Katherine Lind, and Saul Kutnicki, eds. A Rhetorical Bestiary. Rhetoric Society Quarterly Vol. 47 Issue 3 (2017).
Grusin, Richard, ed. The Nonhuman Turn. University of Minnesota Press, 2015.
Halberstam, Judith. The Queer Art of Failure. Duke University Press, 2011.
Haraway, Donna. Companion Species. University of Chicago Press, 2003.
---. Modest Witness@Second Millenium.FemaleMan Meets OncoMouse: Feminism and Technoscience. New York: Routledge, 1997.
---. Staying with the Trouble: Making Kin in the Chthulucene. Duke University Press, 2016.
---. When Species Meet. University of Minnesota Press, 2008.
Hawhee, Debra. Bodily Arts: Rhetoric and Athletics in Ancient Greece. Austin: University of Texas Press, 2005.
---. Rhetoric in Tooth and Claw: Animals, Language, Sensation. University of Chicago Press, 2017.
Hawk, Byron. A Counter-History of Composition: Toward Methodologies of Complexity. University of Pittsburgh Press, 2007.
Hayles, N. Katherine. How We Became Posthuman: Virtual Bodies in Cybernetics, Literature, and Informatics. University of Chicago Press, 1999.
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